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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

Hey!

Yep, it’s a Saturday. And, you know what, that’s just fine. The last week has been interesting on multiple levels.

You often hear people say that, after someone you love passes, you’ll know when it’s time to let go and move on. To stop grieving. This point is different for each person who suffered a loss, and who it was that died. I think I finally got there.

I spent time this week selling off some of my mom’s jewelry that no one wanted. I’m doing a more active search to find a legitimate buyer for a couple of books she’d had. And I spent a lot of time yesterday rearranging and cleaning my office.

My desk is now near a window, on the far side of the room, and not where I can actively watch the tv while I sit here. My focus has shifted. I’m no longer feeling like I’m treading water and waiting for the next shoe to drop. I’m regaining my sense of wanting to write, to promote.

One of the things that came to me during this transition is how well I interact with readers and authors here on this blog. I’ve tried gimmicky things – like the teaser Tuesday or Last Monday interviews. To be honest, that’s not what you guys like to get from me. Without question, the posts that are liked the most, shared, or commented on have to do with my thoughts on being an author. About book store signings, how to be a decent author that’s loved and not hated by readers, that sort of thing.

So, yeah. I’ve heard you. That’s not to say I won’t make an odd teaser post or anything like that. I may not even have a scheduled day to post. But what I do write here will be what matters to me, the message I think you want to hear.

Five years ago today, my journey began. I signed my first contract and ‘Daughter of Hauk’ began to go from words on a computer screen to a book you can read on your Kindle or put on your bookshelf. I have 18 titles out now. Goal for the year is to make that number 20. I have no illusions that the almost 300 followers here have bought all of my books. Most of you haven’t even bought one. I’m sure it’s on your ‘one day’ list. If it wasn’t, then why are you following this blog? LOL

If you want to know where to start, go with ‘Guarding Charon’. I’m immensely proud of that one and have hopes that it will be the book that gets me ‘found’ at last.

Five years that encompass 18 titles, the death of my parents, life changes for my oldest daughter, new pets in my life, a new career that I adore, and it’s all because of one event in my life that woke up my muse.

As I cleaned and moved things, I was cleaning up some emotional clutter in myself. Things that I put in front of promotion, in front of writing, in front of things I care about a great deal. My office is more open now. Muse is sitting on the windowsill to my right.img_0123

And I’m back to writing for me. For my readers. If I’m lucky, you’ll have my back and buy my books, write a review, tell your friends.

If nothing else, the last five years have taught me that this business isn’t all promoting and writing. There’s a lot of luck involved.

BB

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Hey.

It’s Wednesday, not Monday. And I haven’t exactly been on the ball each week with posts here.

I did a big push and wrapped up “Emile’s Blade” earlier this week. It’s with my beta readers now, and should be under contract/with my editor at Solstice Publishing shortly after the first of September. Now I’m starting to connect all three Amari stories (Fin’s Magic, Alaric’s Bow, and Emile’s Blade) into a single book that we can release in both ebook and print formats.

I’m working with two different cons now! I’ll be a guest at Renton City Comicon in October, and a panelist at RustyCon in January. Love that these new opportunities are starting to open up to meet readers. And help authors.

There’s been other things going on, though, beyond the books. I’ve had some real issues lately with feeling like I have too many balls in the air. Work, writing, house, college (oldest heads that way in a few weeks), high school swim practice for the youngest, promoting, doctor and dentist appointments, vehicle maintenance, and about a dozen other things. It’s led me to spend more time just sitting and not wanting to participate in much of anything over being excited for the future.

A lot of this is related to my parents both passing away within seven months of each other. My dad’s death hit me really hard. When I was there the last time, I brought home one of his sweaters just to have something that still had a bit of his scent on it. My mom was morbidly obese. So am I. And I won’t die the way she did, so I’m looking into having surgery.

Our insurance won’t cover it, so I need to sell some books. LOTS of books. We’re looking at $20,000 to get this done.

So, yeah, things haven’t been the best. I never set out to lie to anyone reading this blog. If anything, I wanted to be brutally honest. To live past the age my mom was, I have to do something now. And current book sales aren’t going to get me there.

Still, it’s moving forward with the planning. It’s getting the preliminary testing and visits done now so, when the money is there, we can do this.

Oh, and I’m going to take a dream trip to Scotland when it’s done and I’ve recovered from the surgery.

Ever so slowly, the door on my past is closing. In some ways, I’ve kept it open for far too long. I don’t think I’m done grieving, which is one reason why I had to force myself to finish up ‘Emile’s Blade’. When you read it, and I hope you will, you will understand why. I’m probably going to have bad days ahead of me. When the desire to call him and give him some exciting news will remind me that he’s not able to answer any more. And there will be days where the juggling act I do will want to come crashing down. But I hope, and feel, that those days will be farther and farther apart. That the good will outweigh the bad, the memories give me more smiles than tears.

The stories that still need to be written will come to pass. The surgery, and Scotland, will eventually happen as well. And maybe, possibly, hopefully, the future I want won’t be as far away as it seems.

BB

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Last week was not a good one. In all honesty, it started on the 23rd. That evening, we lost a feline companion of 16+ years. Athena was, hands down, the most intelligent cat I’ve ever had the privileged of being owned by. She more than lived up to her name. Whenever I’d get on one of my writing binges, she’d perch herself on my shoulder and purr as my fingers found the words. She is sorely missed.

Add to that a youngest daughter who manages to trip herself, strain her calf muscle, and end up on crutches and you’ll get a good idea how my week went. LOL

The thing of it is, writing is therapy for me. I’ll be able to dive into my characters and take the pain I feel and process it. Yes, there might be a few tears. And more than once my characters have not liked what I put them through. But we write what we know. You can imagine what it means to be beaten, but the only way to truly convey the pain (both physical and psychological) in your writing is to either spend time talking with someone who has gone through that or go through it yourself.

If anything, Athena’s passing will help in that regard. In ‘Wielder of Tiren’, someone has died. And their passing has caused a great deal of pain. It’s not the first time I’ve dealt with this kind of loss, but the pain is still very fresh. 

‘Fin’s Magic’ is moving towards release, and we’re going to do something new with this book! It will be up for pre-release orders via Smashwords! Can’t say when the listing will happen (watch this space!), as we’re still finishing up the cover art. Once we have a cover, though, it will be listed. The pre-sale will run for about 3-4 weeks. After that, it will be on both Amazon and B&N for a while. Eventually, it will become an Amazon exclusive, so be sure to grab your copy early if you have a Nook!

BB

 

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